A letter to myself on my 15th birthday

I am you, only 50 years older. Strange, isn’t it? And if you ever were to see this letter I guess much in my life will be totally different.Today you are dreaming, among other things, about having a moped now that you are of an age to drive one. Don’t worry you will, in a couple of months. I will enclose a picture of it at the end of this letter.
But we both know that’s not the biggest problem. You keep running away, to Stockholm, Malmö and other places. Pretty soon you will be heading down to Amsterdam. And you are not running away from something, not really, your parents and friends are pretty decent people. No one is abusing or hurting you. What you are doing is trying to run to something. You just don’t have any clear idea what it is.Seeing it all a bit clearer from way off in the future I’ll give you a few hints to why you are feeling outside, like you don’t really belong anywhere. It’s common for all teenagers to feel something like that. But you have more reasons than most do.
Why? Let’s think about some things. You look at girls. Of course you do, but not only because you desire them. If you could admit it to yourself  it’s also because you know, deep inside, that you were meant to be born a girl. Remember how exited you felt when Gunilla said you had girlie lips that were perfect for lipstick. And then… No wait that haven’t happened yet.
This could be a frightening revelation. And what you are most afraid of  is that means that you have to make love to guys if you are a woman. Don’t be stupid! In your head and your heart you are a girl and you are attracted to girls. What does that make you? Yes, that’s right, you are a lesbian woman!
Even back when you are now there are ways to correct the mistake of your anatomy. I know that you have heard of Christine Jörgensen. If you could do that now I know that you’d be a lot happier and that you can avoid much of the troubles that lies ahead of you. But I hope you don’t do anything about changing your gender until 1972. Why? Because on your birthday that year you get a wonderful present, Your youngest daughter will be born. That’s right! You will have two lovely daughters!
But after that go for it! Don’t wait till you/I are/am 64 to do final transition.
Love from you future self
Caisa
Oh, here’s the pic of the moped I promised you will buy soon. I know you’ll have fun with it.

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